Having a spot of trouble with a soiree I've organised for tomorrow night. Any advice gratefully apreciated?

Sirrah,, you have a problem there. What I would do would be to give the ruffian a pint of beer but lace it with half beer and half vodka that should render him sensless. If one pint does not work give him another. He will soon sucb and it is not your fault if he can not drink one or two pints is it?